


Switzerland x Depressed!Reader: Sun in the Rain

by HyunYoh



Series: Switzerland x Depressed!Reader: Sun in the Rain [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Blood and Gore, Coma, Death, Drama, Dreams and Nightmares, F/M, Family, Feels, Flashbacks, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, Loss, Mental Health Issues, Modern Era, Multi, Reader-Insert, Relationship(s), Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-11
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-07-15 12:25:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7222240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyunYoh/pseuds/HyunYoh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A depressed girl, and a lonely Swiss man. One rainy night brings these two together, but not by any traditional way that one would think. A slippery road and poor vision causes the latter to crash into the former and she is brought to the hospital. Her life hangs on a thread and the guilt is crushing the poor man. But who is this girl? Why is his guilt so immense, and why aren't there any papers of her existence?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This was just an idea I had, and I started typing it down. The majority of this was written on my phone, cause I felt I wanted to try that just once. XD And it's pretty fun to write on the go~ ^.^
> 
>  
> 
> **Disclaimer:  
>  I don't own Hetalia, it belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya  
> I don't own you.  
> But I do own the story**

The sky was gray and it was raining, and rather harshly at that. A storm was on its way. On a day like this most people would be inside, doing something fun in an attempt to shut the horrid weather out. However, there was one person who wasn't one of these people. They were outside in the cold rain, sitting alone on a swing in a deserted park with eyes that spoke of solitude and grief. Lone tears ran down their cheeks, yet their face remained stone cold and unfazed as the harsh droplets of water that fell from the sky landed on their face.  
  
The person in question was a girl with [h/c] hair, and her name was [Name]. Now, one could question why she would be sitting all alone in a deserted park, slowly rocking back and forth on the old swing instead of being comfortable on a couch or recliner at home. The answer to that would be most unkind and cruel. It was simple. Even if she didn't look like it with her untattered, but soaked, clothes, cell phone and headset, and schoolbag resting in her lap, she was homeless.  
  
Once this young lady had been living happily with her parents and younger brother in a moderately big house. They hadn't been overly rich, but they had been happy. That is, until _that_ happened.  
  
It had been years since then now but the wounds were still as fresh as they were that day. She simply couldn't forget. It was impossible. It had been her fault after all. It had been her own carelessness that caused it, so why wouldn't she take the blame and bear it? Those were her thoughts, and such had they been ever since it happened.  
  
As she sat there, [Name] replayed how her life had been then and how it was now, in her head. Was it all really worth it? It wasn't like everything could go back to the way it used to be even if she did continue living this nightmare of a life.  
  
Maybe she should just end it? That thought was rather tempting, and perhaps more inviting than it should have been, but she didn't care. Perhaps once she was dead and gone something would cause a paradox of sorts and turn everything back to the way it should've been before she came into the picture.  
  
The girl laughed dryly at her own unrealistic, fictional imagination, and the ludicrous ideas it came with. Time paradoxes? Yeah right. Like that would ever happen. Not in this life. That's what she thought, and her head knew that was the harsh reality, yet her heart tried to convince her otherwise.  
  
But before she could think any further she stood up from her spot, gripped her bag, turned her music's volume up to MAX, and started walking away. She didn't quite know where but she trusted her legs to take her there, wherever it was.  
  
The rain refused to let up and kept raging down upon the Earth, as the wind continued to increase in strength by the minute. It was only a matter of time before it turned into full-blown thunder storm. [Name] knew that, but she continued walking anyway. She simply didn't care anymore. She didn't care about the rain, that insisted on trying to soak her already sopping body even more. She didn't care about the wind, that seemed to have it as its goal in life to shred her few articles of clothes to nothing but mere threads. Nothing mattered to her at all.  
  
[Name] arrived at a road crossing, but she didn't take any notice and simply continued walking. Completely isolated in her music and her own thoughts, [Name] didn't notice the oncoming car as she stepped onto the street. Nor did the driver notice her, until it was too late.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
The roads were horrible and the rain poured down like it aimed to become the next Great Flood. It was almost suicide to be out driving in this weather. Vash knew that yet there he was, out in the rain, driving to the pharmacy to buy some cold medicine for his younger sister, Lili, who was lying in bed with a cold at home.  
  
However, the sight was poor and the roads were slippery, so Vash was forced to drive carefully. But even driving as slowly as he did, the roads still made it difficult to keep the car on course. The rain and the wind seemed to almost have some sort of vendetta against drivers who dared to venture out when they were at their peaks. At least if you judged it by how much both forces appeared to want to push Vash's car off its course. The darkness was deep and thick. Vash was unable to see further than his headlights due to that. That's why he didn't notice the girl, that stepped out on the street, until it was too late. He tried to break to a halt, but unable to fully do so, and he crashed into the girl, sending her flying.  
  
The girl landed a couple meters away and slid on the ground a couple of feet before coming to a stop. She lay completely still where she was.  
  
Vash hurried out of his car and rushed up to her, calling the ambulance as he did. When they, after three agonizingly long signals, finally answered he hurriedly explained the situation to them and gave them his location. Before he was able to say anything more, however, his phone executed a forced hang up by running out of battery and shutting itself off. Vash fell to his knees beside the form of the broken girl. She certainly didn't look well.  
  
She lay on the road like a broken doll, with her limbs spread in every position thinkable, and her sopping hair spreading out around her head like a halo. Thankfully her neck wasn't bent in any awkward way so one could tell it wasn't broken. Hopefully this meant that she was still alive, but her entire body was bloodied and bruised. The bone of her wrist had broken and penetrated her skin, poking out of her wrist, her left leg was bent in an unnatural position and appeared to be broken, so did her right ankle. Whoever this girl was, she wouldn't be able to walk quite some time. Several fingers were broken or severely wounded, both of her palms were injured and bled a lot, and her right shoulder looked like it was dislocated. Smaller and larger wounds littered across the young female’s body. All of them were bleeding heavily, and if nothing was done, she would quickly die of blood loss.  
  
Being quick to realize this, Vash hastily removed his coat and scarf to cover the girl’s body, and he quickly applied pressure to them to try and staunch the blood until the paramedics came. He felt so guilty. If only he had been more careful when he drove, or looked ahead more, or... He didn't even know. He just knew that, however you twisted and turned on it, this was his fault. This is the result of his own carelessness. He didn’t know why he felt so strongly about a stranger that he had run over, but he just assumed that it was the guilt of hurting someone this badly that gnawed at him and his conscience. So until the paramedics came he would make sure this girl stayed alive.  
  
Soon sirens could be heard faintly in the background as help arrived to the location of the accident. The headlights soon coming into sight. Their warm light bathed the forms of the broken, bleeding girl and the desperate, bloodied man that tried to keep her in this world.


	2. Chapter 1

The hospital room was quiet and the only sounds that could be heard were the sounds that the IV and the heart monitor's, that were connected to the girl, constant dripping and beeping respectively.  
  
Sitting by the unknown girl's side, in an uncomfortable hospital chair, Vash rolled his thumbs anxiously as he waited for her to wake up. Guilt wrecked through him as he sat there. He didn't know this girl but since it was his fault that the accident happened he felt he should take responsibility - or that was what he told himself and others at least, but that was just an excuse. There was something about this girl that seemed to stir something inside him, and he felt the need take care of her.  
  
The doctors had said that her injuries were serious, almost critical, and that she was lucky to have survived a crash like that. Her entire body was malnourished and her constitution was very weak. It would most likely take a while before she woke, and even longer for her to recover. They had told him that many of her ribs had been broken; her wrist would not heal for several months. It had been so bad that they had to cut most of her wrist open to get access to it so that they could replace the broken bone with a substitute material that would grow and fuse into the original bone. Both of the girl’s legs had been broken at least somewhere and her right ankle was in serious condition. She would have to use a wheelchair for at least a couple of months before being able to switch to crutches. They had done what they could on the rest of her body, including her broken fingers, and they had relocated her shoulder. All of her wounds had been treated and wrapped up, and they had replaced all the blood they could, but this was as much as they could do. Now all they could do was wait and observe.  
  
While guilt wrecked through Vash, competing along with that guilt was a warm feeling of care and worry for the girl that lay frailty on the uncomfortably looking hospital bed, looking like a hurt and wounded porcelain doll of an angel.  
  
Vash shook his head in an attempt to shake those thoughts. How most inappropriate of him. To think something like that of a girl he had run over and hurt in such a way. He shouldn't be thinking of her in such a way. He didn't even know her name. The doctors hadn’t been able to give him a name.  
  
       “Wake up, please...”  
  
A soft whisper escaped his lips, but nothing changed. Not a stir, not a twitch. Nothing. The girl was as still as she had been a moment before. Her face looked serene, but who knew what happened in that dreamworld of hers? Who knew what thoughts might stir inside that little head?  
  
Even if he didn’t know her, Vash felt very strongly for her. He looked out the window, and saw nothing but rain and whipping tree branches as the wind fiercely pulled at them. The storm was about to reach its peak it seemed.  
  
The reflection of a man with blonde hair, striking, deep green eyes, defined face lines, and a small white hat resting on the top of his head showed in the dark glass, but something was off with the man. One could easily tell that he was of the strict sort and his defined facial lines proved that he had been shaped according to weather, but his eyes showed worry and sadness, and light trails had been left on the man’s cheeks by the tears he had shed. Vash recognized the man as himself and was surprised at the state of himself. How long had it been since he had last cried? Was that really how he looked after crying? To him it wasn’t a pretty sight.  
  
The rain seemed to pick up again, and shattered against the window harshly. The force and sound against the window was so loud that you almost feared that the glass would break any minute from the sheer force of the rain.  
  
 _Rain..._ There seemed to be something about the rain and Vash. It had rained the day had found his little sister as well. He had found her sitting in an alleyway in the rain. Malnourished, sick and weak he had found his little sister Lili, abandoned in the rain. He had taken her in and had cared for her ever since. _Lili..._ Lili! He had completely forgotten about Lili, who was lying sick in bed at home! Why he had even gone out in the first place! Vash dashed up from his seat and pulled out his phone to call his sister, but since it still hadn’t been charged, it was out of battery and wouldn’t start.  
  
 _Damn it!_  he thought.  
  
Lili was probably worried about what took him so long to get medicine for her. And this weather wasn't exactly a reassuring one. She must be imagining the worst case scenario. Him lying half-dead, or worse, on the street. Usually Lili was a strong girl who believed wholeheartedly in her older brother, but when she was sick, she always reverted back to the worried little girl that she had been when Vash found her. He needed to call her and tell her that he was fine, and he also needed to tell her about the accident.  
  
Casting one more glance at the sleeping girl in the hospital bed before exiting the room, Vash left to find a phone of sorts.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
 _No. Not again. Not this place again. I don't want to be here. Take me away from here! I don't want to be here! Please! Take me away!!_  
  
The heat around me was unbearable. I could barely stand it. I heard whispering voices around me all the time. They told me that it hurt. They wanted it to stop. They screamed at me to make it stop, but I couldn't. I couldn't stop their pain, and I couldn't stop my own. Their pain was my pain; their screams were my screams; their tears were my tears.  
  
I wept and sobbed. It was all my fault. I had caused this, but I didn't mean it. I didn't mean it! Never ever had I wanted to cause them harm. Why couldn't they just leave them out of it? Why? Why couldn't they just take me? They could've just taken me, but I was the only one they left behind. But if I was the one they wanted, why did they do that? Why did they take everyone but me?  
  
The questions and despair flooded my mind, seeking answers, but found none. My head was empty on anything but questions about why's. And no matter how much the questions wanted answers there were none my empty head could give.  
  
The cold overtook the heat until I could no longer feel it and left me frozen in realization. I was alone. They wouldn't come back ever again. I would never be able to bring them back and never ever would I be able to repent. All I could do was give myself up. I would fight no more. They had won. I was theirs. Forever, until I die.  
  
The heat slowly started to return mercilessly, and double in strength. It felt like it was tearing my entire body apart and licked my insides as it did. The sudden explosion of heat forced agonized howls in misery from my already scorched throat and feasted on my flesh as it engulfed me. It burnt. It was a searing pain, and it surrounded my entire body. Perhaps there was some deity out there that had the mercy to kill me off in this rain of endless misery? Heh. Probably not. Deities have never had very much mercy to spare for me. But that was what my heart wanted to believe - that there was still hope.  
  
That wretched heart of mine. I'd rather not have it. It's only caused problems for me. Creating false hope, giving me the feeling security, making me think that I could actually survive this, but none of which were true. Hope was a lie and security an illusion. I was weak, hence I would not be able to live. Only the strong survive, and I was not strong. I was weak, and weak was all that I was, and all that I ever would be. The world would be much better off if I died right on the spot.  
  
 _“[Name]! Don't you dare give up now! You can't die! Now wake up!”_  
  
Suddenly the heat grew milder and more tolerable. It was no longer scorching hot or tearing me to pieces by the sheer force of its heat.  
  
That voice! No, there was no way. It just couldn't be. He wasn't there. I was all alone. No one cared and no one tried to care and the only ones who did were long gone. I might as well die. That was alright, wasn't it? No one wanted me anyway. Who would want a homeless, weak, little girl? Just another mouth to feed so to speak. Another person to beat around the bush with.  
  
 _“I will never forgive you if you give up!”_  
  
There it was again. It sounded so much like he used to, but I knew it was impossible for it to be him. Heck, the voice even imitated what he used to yell at me when he was mad at me. That he would never forgive me, but I knew he wouldn't anyways. Everything was completely my fault after all. Everything that happened was my fault and no one could change that. What I did was unforgivable and I knew that. And I would never be able to take it back.  
  
The voice faded and so did the heat, leaving me in complete and utter darkness. The darkness was cold, but I welcomed it and its gracing chill happily with open arms.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
It had taken him a while, but eventually he found a phone so he could call Lili. Or rather one of the nurses lent him a charger so he was able to charge his cell phone, making him able to call his sister. He felt a bit bad for forgetting about his own little sister, so the moment his phone had charged enough battery he immediately searched up Lili in his contacts and called her cell phone which he had reluctantly gotten to her. But he had only gotten it for her because he had managed to get two cell phones included in the cheap mobile subscription he had found, but that was out of context and a story for another day.  
  
After a few rings Lili finally answered. Her voice sounded weak and hoarse, just like it had, if not even worse than, when Vash left her. She tried to keep the spirit in her voice high to not worry her brother, but it failed quite horribly, as her voice sounded like broken tin whistle and was even softer than her friend Matthew's.  
  
       “Lili? It's Vash. How are you?” Vash inquired.  
       “Oh, big brother. I'm fine, don't worry about me, I'm feeling much better now.” It was obvious by the sound of her voice that she tried to sound strong over the phone, but her forced and strained tone exposed her. And it was obvious that she pushed herself to the limit just to speak in an audible tone.  
       “Don't lie to me, Lili. I can hear that on your voice that you're feeling better at all.” he retorted sternly.  
       “Well... My throat is a bit scratchy, but I'm okay, really, big brother.”  
  
Vash sighed exasperatedly. That was so like her. Always worrying about him before herself, which wasn't always very good. As it could lead to very dangerous situations. Situations he never wanted her to put her in or imagine her in. It was enough for him to see her once in a close to death state and that was when he iced her up from the streets. One time was more than enough for him.  
  
       “But what about you, big brother?” Lili's voice pulled him away from his thoughts and back to the conversation. “Are you okay? You've been gone for hours. I've been very worried.”  
       “I’m fine, Lili. No need to worry about me. Something just came up and I’ll probably be gone for another few hours. Will you be fine on your own?”  
       “Of course, big brother!”  
       “Well, that’s good. I’ll come home soon, with your medicine, and then I’ll tell you about it, okay?”  
       “Okay, big brother.”  
Vash nodded to himself in contentment. “Good. Now get some rest, you hear?”  
       “Got it!”  
  
Vash hung up on his sister and left his half dead phone to charge all alone in the glory of solitude, before walking back to the room where the girl that he had run over by accident with his car out in the damned rain, slept. Now when his phone call to his sister was out of the way and he had reassured her that he was fine, the guilt that had been temporarily subdued returned in full strength, and he wished he could turn back time so he could prevent this unfortunate accident from happening. However, this was reality - the real world; no science-fiction novel - and thus no such thing was even remotely possible. Vash knew that, but of course that didn’t stop the man from wishing it was possible.  
  
Many if only’s, what’s, and why’s ran through the distressed Swiss’ mind as he thought back to the accident and the girl. _Who was she? How old was she? Where was she from? Where did she live? Who were her parents? Where were they? Weren’t they worried about their daughter? Why had she even been out in the rain like that? What had she been doing? Had she seen him come driving?_ Probably not. If only she hadn’t chosen that moment to walk out. If only he hadn’t been in such a hurry to be done with his errand, then maybe this wouldn’t have happened.  
  
As Vash’s mind whirled and twirled, throwing him back and forth, he didn’t even notice he had entered the room where the girl slept. He didn’t even notice himself sitting down in the chair he had been sitting in earlier. He was completely sucked up by his own thoughts and separated from the rest of the world. So much so that he didn’t notice the small twitch of the sleeping lass’ finger, or the slight movement of her right eyebrow, which created a small crease in her otherwise flawless and peaceful face, even only for but a fleeting moment. He didn't notice the heart monitor that was connected to the seemingly peaceful young woman take note of a small leap in her heartbeat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the first real chapter of my Switzerland x Reader fanfic~ ^.^  
> Once again written mainly on my cell phone. XD
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy this~ ^^  
> Comment and kudos it if you so please~ ^^
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I don't own Hetalia, it belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya  
> I don't own you.  
> But I do own the story


	3. Chapter 2

Hours went by but the young lady didn't even once arouse from her deep sleep. Even so Vash stayed by her side while the storm outside finally started to let up. The rain was now but a mere light pitter patter on the hospital window, yet Vash took little notice of it. His face was buried in his arms while the man himself was bent over the edge of the bed. Several doctors had thought to themselves that the he acted was as if he was closely related to the injured girl, but according to the story he had told them, that wasn't the case. Yet he was still there worried for the sake of a girl he didn't even know, as if she was a dearly loved one, like a girlfriend, sister or wife.  
  
One of the doctors entered the room and informed him that the storm was letting up and that he would soon be able to go home. They doubted that the young lady would awake anytime soon, and so it was better for him to go home and get some rest. He could come back the day after if he so pleased, but they thought it was better for him to leave for the day. They had already examined him and he was healthy as can be. They would look after the girl so there was no reason for him to stress himself out over her anymore. At least for that night.  
  
 _I guess I can't hurt to go home for now. Lili's probably worried about me, and I still need to bring her her medicine,_  Vash thought before rising from his sunken down position in the hospital chair and walking toward the door. He stole one more glance at the sleeping girl before leaving the room.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
The drive home was slow in Vash's opinion. His mind reeled in his attempt to sort out his thoughts. He tried to focus on Lili for now, and how he would relay to her why he took so long to get home. However, it wasn't easy, because for whatever reason his mind couldn't get off that frail girl, whom he and run over by accident. Just what exactly was her story? Was she being abused and malnourished at her home? Was that why she looked so frail and weak? And why was he so obsessed with her? Sure, he had run her over, but this feeling couldn't only be guilt, could it?  
  
Vash shook his head and forced his mind to return to the task at hand: to care for his sick sister, whom was lying in bed and resting at home. He would deal with his emotions later. At the moment his sister needed him and she was more important than his indecisive heart. He couldn't allow himself to get distracted.  
  
It was still raining a bit, but it was nothing but a mere drizzle. The roads were slippery, but not unsafe to drive if one was careful, which Vash certainly was. Still, there were few cars out. Not many dared to try their luck on the wet and storm fresh roads.  
  
 _If only the weather had been like this when I left… Then I wouldn't have run over that poor girl,_  Vash noted in his head.  
  
When he was about half-way home Vash drove past the place where the accident had happened. His eyes followed the spot as he drove by until he could not longer follow it. Black tire marks from where he had jumped the breaks were clear as day and there were still faint traces of blood left on the road. Apparently not everything was able to be washed away with the rain...  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
 _I wonder where big brother is._  
  
Lili sat in her bed and looked out her little bedroom window with longing in her eyes. She was starting to get bored, and she missed her brother. Being sick was not fun. She wondered what could have happened to her brother to delay him so, and make him sound so choked up on the phone when she spoke to him earlier. She made note to ask him about it when he came home.  
  
The light pitter patter of the drizzling rain was soothing to the young girl in a way. She had never been fond of storms and this drizzle meant the worst had passed and the storm was fading.  
  
Several papers, crumpled and colored, and pencils flooded the floor. That's what Lili usually did when she became sick. She drew or tweaked around with whatever she could find. She would cook but her brother forbade it for several reasons, which he could spend hours lecturing her about. Lili let out a small giggle at the thought, then she felt a tickling sensation in her nose. _Oh snap._  
  
       “ACHOO!”  
  
Sniveling Lili pulled out a few tissues from the box of tissues beside her and blew her nose. She discarded the used tissues in the already overfilled trash bin that was by her bedside as well. Her brother should be home soon, and hopefully he would bring some medicine with him. This cough and all this sneezing was not fun, her throat hurt too.  
  
       “Big brother, I hope you come home safely.”  
  
Vash had sounded so off on the phone that she couldn't help but worry about him. He was her only big brother and she loved him. She felt another sneeze sneak up on her, and she let it. After that she lied back down in her bed and cozied herself up and tried to fall asleep again. She knew she needed to sleep if she wanted to get better. But she promised herself she'd ask her brother about what happened when he came home.  
  
 _Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc. Tic. Toc._  
  
The sound from the large grandfather clock in the living room downstairs somehow sounded all the way up to the room where Lili lied in bed. The noise was rather strong and normally she wouldn't be bothered by it. In fact, usually she loved hearing the sound of it, for it was usually a calming sound to her. It was powerful, but gentle at the same time and she loved that, but for some reason today it really bugged her and she just wanted to smash the clock.  
  
Lili sighed and turned around in her bed. Why was it so difficult to fall asleep? Stupid cold. It deprived her of energy, but wouldn't let her rest up to become healthy again.  
  
She looked at her alarm clock on the bedside table - 19:32. Her big brother had left before noon that day, and it had been about two hours since she called him. He still wasn't home. Did something happen to her big brother? God, she hoped not. Vash was all she had, and she didn't want to lose him. He meant everything to her, and he had looked after her ever since they were young.  
  
Just then she heard the front door open downstairs and she immediately knew that it was her brother that had finally come home.  
  
       “Big brother!” she tried to call out but it came out more like a hoarse wheeze.  
       “Lili?” Vash called out as he advanced to his sister's bedroom.  
  
When Vash arrived he immediately opened the door and went in. He had a white plastic bag in his hand and he was dripping wet. Lili smiled to him as he brought a chair up beside her bed and sat down on it. The plastic bag Vash had with him was placed down on the bedside table and he immediately dove down and rummaged through it. Soon he produced a small bottle and a small box from it and sat them down on the table.  
  
       “What do you have there, big brother?” Lili asked in a very hoarse voice as she struggled to make herself heard.  
       “Medicine, Lili. Some cough syrup and painkillers.” Vash poured up some of the syrup in the measuring cup and held it out to Lili. “Here. This should help against your cough.”  
  
Lili took the cup and stared at it shortly before downing the contents in one gulp. _Urgh!_ It tasted horrible and she scrunched up her nose in disgust.  
  
       “Don't grimace like that. It helps.”  
       “I know, big brother.” Lili downed the glass of water Vash held out to her.  
       “Hey hey! Not so fast! You could choke!” he scolded.  
       “I'm sorry, big brother...” Lili hung her head a little. Then she remembered her question. “Big brother? Why were you so late today?”  
 _Oh right, I promised to tell her when I came home. Damn._  
  
Vash thought back to the poor, unconscious young girl in the hospital be, covered in wounds, caked blood, bruises and bandages. How pale she looked; the way her thin, and obviously malnourished, body seemed to lie like feather upon the bed. The creases created by the body that were supposed to be there were few and very shallow. She had looked so sickly, just lying there almost like a ghost.  
  
       “Big brother?”  
  
Vash snapped his head up at his sister's voice. She looked at him with her big, green eyes. They were questioning. How long had he been lost in thought?  
  
       “I'm sorry, Lili. I was just lost in thought.”  
       “Big brother, what happened?” Lili looked at him with worried eyes. “Did you get hurt?”  
Vash sighed. “No, I’m not hurt, Lili. But I hurt someone else by accident.”  
Lili let out a small gasp. “Big brother, what happened?”  
       “I was driving to the pharmacy to get some medicine for you, Lili, but it was raining so hard and then suddenly a shadow appeared on the road and I tried to stop in time, but I wasn't able to and I crashed into it. I immediately rushed out of the car and ran towards where the figure had landed, calling for an ambulance as I did. When I got there I noticed that it was a young girl.” His voice cracked a little at the memory. “And then I realized I had run over a girl. She was so fragile looking, just like a porcelain doll, a broken one at that. After the ambulance came we were taken to the hospital.”  
  
Lili's eyes gradually widened as Vash told her what happened - why he had been so late. Now she saw the dark rings under his eyes and the worry creases in his face. He must've been feeling so guilty, even if was just an accident that it happened, that girl was still very seriously hurt. She might never recover, and Lili knew her brother was a very caring man, he just had troubles showing it. And his frugality didn't help, how much she didn't want to admit it.  
  
The younger sibling's eyes saddened as she looked at her brother. He looked really torn up, which was understandable, and she just wanted to do something to make him feel better. She didn't want her brother to suffer.  
  
       “It wasn't your fault, big brother. It was an accident,” she tried to console him.  
       “But I still ran over her… It's still my fault that poor girl was so badly injured. But thanks anyway, Lili...”  
  
Lili went to say something else but was cut off by a brutal coughing fit and immediately Vash was by her side, doing what he could to soothe his sick younger sister. Her throat felt like it was burning up. It was as if it had turned into sandpaper, and it was not a pleasant feeling having her throat being harshly ravaged like that from the inside. It was like something was grating her throat to tiny pieces, and she just couldn't seem to stop coughing. She tried to stop, but it just wasn't possible. The coughing caused her small frame to shake like a leaf as they racked through her like a raging storm.  
  
Vash looked worriedly at his sister and tried to coax into drinking some water, but she didn't accept it. She wasn't able to get air long enough to hold the glass and drink its contents. Her coughing kept getting worse and it wouldn't let up, which only worried Vash further. Once more he tried to offer the glass of water to his sister, and once more he tried to coax her into drinking, and once more she rejected it. This reduced the usually tough Swiss to mere pleas.  
  
       “Please, Lili. You've got to drink something! I’m sure it'd help your throat. Please...”  
  
She looked at him from the corners of her eyes as she continued to cough. After a small moment of contemplation, she came to a decision and nodded in agreement, which made Vash a little relieved. Lili tried to calm her coughing down long enough for her to accept the glass and drink. Vash offered it to her once again and this time she accepted it. She drank in small gulps as if trying to preserve what little air reached her poor lungs.  
  
Eventually she managed to finish her glass of water and her coughing seemed to die down a bit, for now. She turned her attention back to her older brother with relief in her tired, large green eyes, and she managed a small smile for him, hoping that he would return it. However he only continued to frown in worry.  
  
       “You should get some rest, Lili. You need it to get better and if you need me, just call, okay? I'll be right there.”  
She nodded tiredly, happily obliging to her older brother’s advice. “Okay, big brother...” Her voice was but a mere wheeze and it sounded incredibly worn. It was painfully apparent how much of a challenge it had been for her to talk to him for as long as she had.  
  
He tucked her in and sat back down on his chair, waiting for her to fall asleep. When she was soundly asleep he got up and gave her a light peck on her forehead before leaving the room, closing the door soundlessly after himself.  
  
As he walked down the hall toward the living room he, as a fleeting thought, wondered to himself what Lili would say about getting an older sister.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, finally! Here we go~ Chapter 2 for this short series~ ^^  
> It took a while to write, but I finally managed ^^  
> I wrote this a little on and off, then I suddenly had a writing spree and finished it~ ^^  
> This could be like a bridge for the next episodes, a little breather so to speak.
> 
> I hope it's to your liking~ ^^
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I don't own Hetalia  
> I don't own you  
> I only own the story


	4. Chapter 3

Weeks passed and Vash continued to visit and watch over the comatose girl, sleeping on the bed. She still looked as fragile the day she was brought in. Vash refused to allow his sister to tag along to visit her with him. He didn't want to let her see the poor the girl's state, so he sat alone by the girl's bedside waiting for her to awaken.  
  
       “If only you knew how much I regret what happened.”  
  
A gentle breeze rustled the plain hospital curtains and allowed a breath of fresh air to enter the solemn room where the poor man and girl were. It was as if was trying to reassure the man that everything would be alright.  
  
 _But what would the wind know? It's just air that's being pushed around by the rotation and forces of the Earth._  
  
Little did Vash know, as he sat there in his pitiful hospital chair wallowing over what happened and what the future may hold, the girl was going through a hell of her own, struggling to break through the surface of the awake.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
 _I could hear my own hurried footsteps smattering against the asphalt as I continued to run from the horrors that were chasing me. I had scraped my knees and elbows, and my body was littered by smaller cuts from running through parks and bushed areas, but that didn’t stop me me nor halt my pace. All that mattered was getting to my destination and away from them. I needed to get there first, they couldn’t be allowed to get there before me. They just couldn’t!_  
  
Storm was in the air and the atmosphere was dense. It would probably start raining and thundering any minute, and the sky would be lit up by lightning, but at the moment I couldn’t care less. Even if it started storming while I was still out here, I would continue to run.  
  
No one except me was out, and for that I was grateful. If I had been forced to weave my way through crowds I would have be even more stressed than I already was, I guess I could thank the weather for that.  
  
Suddenly I lost my footing and I fell to the ground. I winced as my already worn body came into contact with the harsh ground which hadn’t been maintained for a couple of years. Feeling something wet trail down my legs, arms and cheek I silently cursed under my breath, before picking myself off the ground. Ignoring the new wounds, I continued to run. I couldn’t stop now. I need to make sure they’re safe! They shouldn’t have to be forced to go down because of my own stupidity!  
  
My breathing was starting to get labored and I again cursed at myself, this time for being so under-trained.  
  
 **Dammit...! It’s only a little further! Come on, body! Move!!**  
  
Forcing that last bit of strength up to the surface I pushed my exhausted body to speeding up just a bit to sprint that last bit of the way, clinging to the hope I was not too late. But this was reality, and fate was never so kind to let your hopes come true, and I was in for a rude awakening.  
  
My sprint came to a halt at the scene that played out in front of me. in shock my eyes widened and my mind went blank. My knees felt weak and I just wanted to fall to the ground, but somewhere in my shocked mind I knew I couldn’t.  
  
In front of my stood my house, my home, in flames and ready to fall, with my family still inside. the roof was completely gone and freely letting the fire obtain all of the oxygen it could possibly need, and many of the windows had either melted or been blown to bits from the force when the fire broke out. The door was barely hanging on its hinges and would probably fall at any moment.  
  
If only I hadn’t been so weak-minded this wouldn’t have happened.  
  
Then I heard a scream that forced me back to my senses. That scream. I knew that scream. It was my brother! They were still alive in there! I quickly acted and without thinking I burst through the almost disintegrated door and into the raging flames.  
  
       “Brother! Mother! Father! Where are you?! I’m here!” I shouted on the top of my lungs, inhaling smoke in the process. I started coughing, but didn’t let that stop me. **I will not let them die here!**  
       “Sister...! [Name]!”  
  
Finally, I managed to locate him, but him only. He was barely avoiding being crushed underneath what used to be his favorite recliner, and beside him lied our parents, both crushed underneath a burning beam that had most likely fallen from the ceiling. They still had their hair, which meant the fire must’ve exploded not too long ago, and had probably been caused by explosives and lots of gasoline, but their faces were ones of agony.  
  
I felt my heartstrings being tugged and pulled at violently in guilt. Their deaths hadn’t been instant… They had felt themselves burn, they had felt their bones crack and their minds and heart give in. I felt like crying, but I would have time for that later. Now, my only living relative was priority. I needed to get my brother out of here. So, I turned my attention back to his scared form and held out my hand to him.  
  
       “Come. Take my hand! I’ll get you out of here!”  
  
For a short moment I saw relief and hope replace the fear in his eyes, but it was short lived and soon there was anger instead in those light blue eyes of his.  
  
       “What are you doing here, sis?!”  
Shocked, I was barely able to muster a reply. “W-what? W-what do you mean, brother?”  
       “I mean, why are you here?! You’re going to die! Leave!! Get out of here while you still can!!”  
       “I’m not leaving without you.” I wheezed out before a coughing fit took over.  
       “Just leave me, sis. A bar fell on me earlier and my feet are useless. Just get out of here and leave me behind!”  
       “How can you expect me to do that?!” I shouted with tears flowing my eyes. “How can you expect me to leave you behind?!”  
  
My tears fell freely from my dry eyes at the thought of leaving my precious brother for dead. All this was my fault. I couldn’t save our parents, but at least I could save my brother! Sure he would probably be confined to a wheelchair for a while or foe his life, but at least he’d be alive. And now he asks me to abandon him?! How could I do that?!  
  
Shaking my head as I sobbed I refused. “No! I can’t leave you! So what if you’ve hurt your legs? You’re still alive! You can still live! I failed mother and father, but I’m not failing you!”  
  
My brother looked at me with sympathy in his eyes and it hurt to see him this way. To see him so content with death. It shouldn’t have to be like this! Older siblings shouldn’t out-live their younger siblings. This wasn’t right!  
  
He reached out for my hand and took it, I grasped it as fast as I could and tried pulling him out of the small space he was in, but something held him back.  
  
 **... No...**  
  
Managing to crane my neck to look behind him I saw his feet completely crushed underneath a large pole. When he said his feet were useless because a bar fell on him earlier, he meant that it crushed his legs and kept him trapped to his spot…  
  
Hopelessness started seeping into me, but that only made me even more desperate to get him out. I was panicking and not thinking straight. The only thing I knew was that I needed to get my brother out, even if it killed me. I started pulling and tugging in my poor brother’s arm with all my might, desperately trying to get him out, then suddenly I felt a hand on my blazing hot and sweaty cheek. I opened my eyes and saw him looking at me with a smile gracing his lips as he gazed into my bleary and tear filled [e/c] eyes.  
  
       “It’s alright, [Name]. You can let go," he said in a soothing voice. “I know I’m going to die here, but you have a chance at living. Take it, I want you to. I **need** you to live on for me.”  
  
He gave me a toothy smile despite his pain and our situation. My lips trembled as I tried to think of something to say. Something to keep him going, something to give him his hope back. Something...! Just something...! **I** needed **him** to live!  
  
       “You’ve always been there for me, always so strong, my dearest sister. If it hadn’t been for you, I wouldn’t even have made it this far. You’ve always been my pillar, and that’s why I need you to get out of here and save yourself. We’ll always be with you. Now please... Just  **GO!!** ”  
  
He pulled his hands away from me and pushed me away, and the moment we separated another bar fell down between us like a giant wall severing what little of our bond that remained. My breathing became shallower and shallower by the second. And with one last loud cry I screamed out my brother’s name.  
  
       “Go, sister! I will never forgive you if you die here!”  
  
And with that I started running out of the burning building that once was my home, with a heart heavy with guilt and sorrow. I dodged falling debris and burning furniture as I ran for the exit, and once I was out I took a deep breath of the cool air. The chill filled and relieved my lungs, but it hurt... My throat burned at the difference and from all the smoke I had inhaled.  
  
A loud crash was heard behind me and I turned to look, only to see the remainders of the building come crashing down, completely burying what remained of my family and all of our memories that we had shared in that house.  
  
Even more tears trailed down my already tear soaked cheeks as I witnessed the last of my previous life become ruins. With my house and family completely gone I felt like my soul had been ripped right out of my body, and I no longer felt anything. I was completely empty, and the light that always used to be in my eyes completely vanished.  
  
 **I want to die...**  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
The heart monitor suddenly took note of a leap in the girl's heartbeat, making Vash look up from his spot on the chair by the bedside. There was another leap in her heartbeat and from there it only grew stronger and faster, making Vash's hope grow in sync with her ever growing heartbeat. He reached for nurse call button and pressed it.  
  
When he sat back he was the first to witness the miracle he had been praying for, finally come true, which made his heart make a leap of its own, in both relief and joy. The girl stirred before opening her eyes a crack. Her gaze shifted across the room in confusion as she took in her surroundings. And for the first time Vash was honored to for the first time ever since the accident, finally hear her voice.  
  
       “... W-where.... am... I...?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the long wait for this chapter to come out, and I'm also sorry it's so short, I just didn't get this idea splurge until now, and then I just kept writing and writing until I couldn't think of anything more. And this is what I ended up with.
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer:  
> I don't own Hetalia,  
> I don't own you,  
> But I do own the story.


	5. Chapter 4

I glanced around the room wearily, vaguely recognizing the interior of the room I was in. Everything was so cold, sterile and oh so bare. The only thing that seemed warm in the room was the man sitting by my side, but who was he? I didn't recognize him. I wrecked my mind but couldn't recognize him from anywhere.  
  
His blond hair was matted as if he hadn't washed it in days and his striking green eyes filled with relief when we made eye contact.  
  
       "Where am I...?" I repeated slightly louder.  
       "You're in the hospital..."  
  
His voice was full of remorse and I couldn't grasp why. The last thing I remembered was the heavy rainstorm and crossing the street with my headphones up, on the loudest volume, but after that it was all a blank. What happened to me to place me here at the hospital once more? I just couldn’t remember.  
  
As I was lost in thought the man beside me pressed the nurse-call button and it didn't take long for a nurse and a doctor to arrive.  
  
They asked the man to leave the room then called for my attention and started asking me questions. _Did I remember who I was? How old was I? How much did I remember? What was the last thing I remembered? Did I know this man that was with me? Did I know what day and date it was?_ I answered their questions to the best of my abilities and they told me that I would have to stay for at least another couple of weeks and that I needed lots of rest.  
  
They also informed me that I had been in an accident and that I had been brought in by the man by my side. Apparently he barely left my side all while I had been unconscious until he was ascertained that I was stable, and that had been about a month ago.  
  
After that they left and I was left alone with the man who had apparently saved me. I felt a small need to thank him and did so. However, he didn't want to accept my gratitude.  
  
       "I don't deserve your gratitude. It was my fault that you ended up here."  
       "What do you mean?"  
       "That rainy day, I was out to buy medicine for my little sister, but the rain made it hard to see and I was unable to see you in time and so... I couldn't stop in time and ran you over with my car... I'm so sorry."  
  
I was speechless. This man had been the one to run me over, even if it had been by accident, and he felt such huge remorse that not only did he call for an ambulance, but he also watched over me while I was unconscious. That last bit could have been a little creepy. However he could have just left after that, but no, he had stayed. We didn't even know each other's names and yet... And yet... No, I couldn't open myself just yet, but I felt that I owed him my name at the very least.  
  
       "My name's [Name]. What's yours, mister?"  
       "It's Vash. Vash Zwingli."  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
A couple of months later [Name] was allowed out of the hospital and every day Vash had come to visit her. At first she had been determined to let the day she was released be the day she cut her ties with the blond man without any remorse, but somehow she found herself starting to feel a little attached to him.  
  
When Vash visited he had told her about his little sister, but he was very reserved when it came to himself, she had noticed. Actually, he didn't like talking about himself much at all and neither did she, but even though his visits were mostly quiet ones they comforting in a way. He didn't try to force himself on her and gave her space.  
  
And so now the day of her release had arrived and [Name] felt that she would love to get to know Vash more, but she knew that now that was no longer possible and she would have to return to her old life as a street beggar and he would have to return to his own life as well.  
  
       "Well," she started uncertainly. "I guess this..."  
He held his hand up. "Wait. Tell me where you live. I could drive you there."  
She turned her gaze slightly downwards. "I don't... I don't have a home..."  
  
Vash was taken aback and shocked to say the least - he obviously hadn’t expected that reply. His mind frantically tried to piece together a response while trying to comprehend what he had just heard. She didn’t have a home? So, she was homeless? That would explain why the hospital had no records to show about her, but what could have happened to a young girl like her to force her into the life of a street beggar? He was tempted to ask but felt that he would intrude on her privacy too much. So he settled for just scratching the back of his head awkwardly, not knowing what to say.  
  
[Name] noticed his fidgeting and decided she wouldn’t be a burden to him anymore. He was obviously uncomfortable with this revelation and she shouldn’t have brought it up in the first place. She should have just kept quiet. He had already helped her more than enough, burdening him with that knowledge had no purpose, and yet she had done it. She wasn’t sure why but she could contemplate that once she was alone.  
  
She turned to walk away from Vash and the hospital which had saved her life twice now, hoping she would never have to wake up there again. It brought back too many painful memories than she could handle. However, just as she started to walk away he called out to her.  
  
       “You know, I have pretty big house and I could use some extra help taking care of it, so you can live with us if you want to...”  
[Name] turned around and looked at him in shock, not believing what he said. “... What?”  
Vash turned a little red and looked to the side. “But you’ll have to pay for yourself once you get a job… I won’t have any freeloaders in my house.”  
  
At the thought of an opportunity to once again have a place to call home [Name] felt both happy and sad. She couldn’t help but feel she was undeserving, however, she wasn’t quite ready to tell Vash about her concerns. She had only known the man for a couple of months after all. But despite her insecurities, doubts and feelings of guilt, she found herself accepting his offer. She couldn’t quite explain why, but something inside her egged her on to accept. Like someone wanted her to have a chance at happiness.  
  
~*~*~*~*  
  
Lili had been delighted to have another girl in the house with them and gotten attached to [Name], becoming fond of her very quickly and within just a couple of weeks she was almost impossible to separate from the older girl.  
  
[Name] was still fighting her own demons from the past, and didn’t dare to become too attached to the people who had been so kind to her. She knew she should be feeling happy that they cared for her, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Sure, she had wanted to get to know Vash more, but once she was living with him, and gotten away from the hospital her old demons returned and she started to miss the streets where she would almost be guaranteed the benevolence of eternal rest.  
  
She liked Vash, she really did, but she also felt undeserving of those emotions. She had loved her family to death, and yet she had caused their demise. She would undoubtedly, somehow, do the same here, she just knew it.  
  
At the moment she was tending to a small patch in the garden which Vash had offered her to take care of, and she found herself often visiting this patch of dirt when she needed time to herself or think. She had a new pair of headphones on, since her old ones were wrecked when Vash had crashed into her with his car. The music was on fairly high volume to enable her to shut the rest of the world out.  
  
Pulling a stubborn weed out of the soil, she wondered if she could ever atone for what she had done. If her family would ever forgive her. She also wondered if she should leave the Zwinglis. Whether her old enemies thought she was dead or if they were content with her living a miserable life, there was no guarantee things would stay like that. They could still come after her one day, and if that day came she didn’t want them to be caught up in the crossfire just for her. She didn’t think she would be able to handle that again.  
  
Sometimes she found herself wishing she could just lie down and fall asleep forever, so that her soul could finally receive the punishment it deserved. But of course, that never happened. The incident with Vash was the closest she had ever come.  
  
The music blared through her ears and echoed in her head. The lyrics blended with her own thoughts and she felt herself relaxing, if only for a minute, and for just a one short moment she allowed herself to let her mind drift along with the music.  
  
As [Name]’s mind drifted she didn’t notice that Lili sneaked up behind her, and before she could react the younger girl flung herself on top her from behind, effectively glomping her.  
  
       “Gyack!” [Name] let out a surprised yelp.  
       “Hi [Name]! I was looking for you. So this is where you were? You really like big brother’s garden, don’t you?”  
       “Ah… Yeah. It’s very soothing.”  
       “I think you’d make a very good gardener or maybe a florist?”  
  
Her words were kind but they had little effect on [Name]. She doubted she would ever be able to become anything. She didn’t even have a place in the world, and had no right to be there. However, neither did she have the right to take her own life. She didn’t even have the courage to, nor would it change anything. So, all she could do was live out her pitiful life until death claimed her.  
  
       “I very much doubt that, Lili. Gardening isn't really my thing. It helps me think, but that’s it.”  
       “That’s too bad. I think you’re really good at it. Big brother thinks so too, even though he doesn’t say so.”  
       “Lili, if I didn’t know any better I’d think you’re trying to get me out of the house to get a job.”  
       “No no! That’s not it at all! I was just trying to compliment you is all.”  
[Name] allowed a small smile to grace her lips at Lili’s cute flustered reaction. “I know, I was just teasing.” She spotted Vash by the house from the corner of her eyes, seemingly look for something or someone. Most likely Lili. “Lili, have you done your chores?”  
       “Ah, of course I have!” Her cheeks flushed.  
[Name] pointed to Vash. “Then explain to me why your brother seems to be looking for you.”  
       “I… Uh… I’ll go and see what he wants!” She jumped off [Name] and skipped up to her brother whom stood waiting for her at the patio.  
  
He had arms folded and a scolding ready for her. This was the second time that week that she had forgotten to take out the trash and start the laundry machine, which wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t for the fact that she was usually so well-mannered and rarely forgot to do her chores.  
  
When Lili came up to him she asked him what was wrong and he informed her in a scolding tone that her chores were still waiting to be done. She apologized to him and told him that she would get on it immediately, to which Vash nodded approvingly.  
  
She turned to take care of them, but then stopped herself to ask him one question.  
  
       “Big brother? Why does [Name] seem so sad all the time?”  
       “I don’t know, Lili. It’s not exactly polite to ask.”  
       “I know… I wish I could cheer her up.”  
  
Vash looked at [Name] who was back to tending to the small patch that was her garden. It had only been a few weeks since she started living with them, but she was looking healthier already. However, what never changed was the somber expression she always seemed to wear. He hadn’t told Lili yet, but he too wished he could make her happier. If only he knew how and what was weighing her down so, then maybe he could actually help?  
  
But for now, all he could do was offer her a roof over her head, a bed and a bit of food. All those material things that didn’t seem to help ease her troubled mind any.  
  
 _Me too, Lili. Me too,_  he thought before facing his sister again. “We’ll talk more later, once you’ve finished your chores.”  
       “Okay, big brother,” she replied before skipping off to take out the trash.  
  
Meanwhile the two siblings talked [Name] continued uprooting weeds and pulling off their leaves one by one, letting them fall to the ground and collect in a small pile in front of her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally the awaited chapter 4 of this series is done! Now there's only one chapter left before this series is over and done with! Thank you for being so patient with my slow updates! And I apologize for my horrid writer's block! >_


End file.
